…is selling away my kendo 竹刀

Oddly enough, it’s not giving up kendo, it’s selling the sword. I suppose that while I still had the sword, I could tell myself that I’d resume kendo again, in the Tomorrow. But without the sword, it’s pretty clear I won’t, even if I do have everything else.

Isn’t it weird, how you can do something and not regret it until much later? I sold that sword a year ago, before I moved back. I pretty much knew that I wasn’t going to continue kendo, since I stopped for about three years (and only practiced it for two) so the decision to get rid of it was a no-brainer.

Backstory: I was prescribed ginkgo supplements when I was in secondary 3, and one month of constant hyperventilating later, we discovered that I’m allergic to them. Now, I avoid the stuff, but a side effect of that one month is the fact that I hyperventilate very easily. So whenever there was kendo practice in the summer, there was a very, very good chance that I would start hyperventilating – that’s one big reason why I stopped kendo after a while.

But you know, at times like this, I miss it. I miss the drills, the screaming, and the camaraderie. Kendo club was the one place I visited every time I went back to Tokyo.

That’s probably what I’m missing and regretting ‘letting go’ off.

Still, it doesn’t really help that I really, really want my sword back. I spent a good portion of time last night googling the Singapore kendo association, and after I ruled that out, kendo shops in Japan. You know, on the off-chance that I get to go back soon.

I really need to stop this. Both the habit of investing too much into what is essentially an object and the idea that getting another 竹刀 is a good idea. I have gone through versions of this post in my head several times, telling myself to give up on the idea because it’s not a good one and just a waste of money. So far, it hasn’t worked.

I need to distract myself ASAP because if I don’t and this thought gets embedded in my head, I will not be able to do anything until I get the sword back in my hands. On that note, I really need to stop letting my thoughts control me.